Scared of Lonely
by bla338
Summary: Sequel to Shivers.
1. Chapter 1

_I'm in this fight and I'm swinging and my arms are getting tired__  
><em>_I'm trying to beat this emptiness but I'm running out of time__  
><em>_I'm sinking in the sand and I can't barely stand__  
><em>_I'm lost in this dream, I need you to hold me__  
><em>_I'm scared of lonely_

Seth stared at the scars on his arm that were already beginning to fade. The crooked letters going from his elbow to his wrist stared up at him; they questioned him.

_Why weren't you there? Where were you? Why didn't you save me? Why were you too late? I burned to death, Seth! You weren't there… Why weren't you there?_

The familiar voice echoed around his head yelling at him. The young wolf squeezed his eyes shut to try and clear his mind, but the voice still attacked him. He had tried. He ran as fast as he could. He was just _too late_.

_I'm dead because you couldn't get there in time._

Seth's eyes flew open and he gripped the edge of the countertop table. He couldn't handle it anymore. He couldn't handle the guilt. It was eating him alive starting from the very core of his stomach and spreading out to the tips of his fingers. Every time he moved a fresh wave washed over him. Even Jasper couldn't handle the flow of emotions that were going through the wolf.

It wasn't his fault… please, don't blame him… He tried his hardest… Why couldn't you understand that he _tried_?

_Why didn't you try harder? I'm dead, Seth! I'm dead and you're _not_!_


	2. Chapter 2

_I try to be patient, but I'm hurting deep inside  
>And I can't keep waiting, I need comfort late at night<br>And I can't find my way, won't you lead me home  
>Cause I'm lost in this dream, I need you to hold me<br>I'm scared of lonely_

Seth's hair fell in front of his eyes as he sat in the back of the class. His hands were clenched into tight fists, and he could feel his nails digging into the palms of his hands. The pain brought him relief. It made the voice in his head fade away for a moment. He closed his eyes to relish in the moment but as quickly as it had come it was gone. The wound was healed.

He reopened his eyes, and without looking he knew Renesmee was looking at him. She was always looking at him. It was as if she was nervous about him. Hell, all the Cullens were nervous about him. Ever since _she_ died, they were walking on eggshells around him.

The bell rung and Seth swept his books into his bag and walked out the room with Renesmee trailing a half a step behind him. As they walked through the halls, he could hear the whispers.

_I hear he cuts himself._

_Wasn't he involved in that fire that killed that foster child a few months ago?_

_He's a suspect, right?_

_Didn't he do drugs?_

Renesmee trailed him as he walked out of the school building and cut across the freshly cut lawn of Langston Prep. Renesmee's plaid skirt flowed a little in the wind and the black flats she wore made it hard for her to walk at the same pace at Seth, but she didn't slow down. Seth tugged at his tie until he got it off before untucking his shirt. The wolf stalked through the campus until he got to the sophomore parking lot. He angrily threw his tie down before collapsing on the pavement. The tears were falling from his eyes before he could realize what was going on.

"I'm pathetic, aren't I?" Seth asked as Renesmee knelt down next to him. "I can't stop crying, and everything thing reminds me of _her_."

"Seth, she was your imprint. Of course, you would feel this way." Renesmee whispered gently stroking his hair.

"I just want all this guilt to go away." More tears fell down his face, and he angrily wiped them away. "I'm so sick of everything. Sometimes I wish I could just die."

Renesmee looked at him for a moment before smiling. "It'll go away Seth. I promise."


	3. Chapter 3

_I'm scared of lonely__  
><em>_And I'm scared of being the only shadow I see along a wall__  
><em>_And I'm scared of the only heart beat I hear beating is my own__  
><em>_And I'm scared of being alone, I can't seem to breathe__  
><em>_When I am lost in this dream, I need you to hold me__  
><em>_I'm scared of lonely, I'm scared of lonely_

They were dancing again. Her arms were around his neck whispering his name as his hands gripped her waist tighter. Their bodies were intertwined, and sweat shone against their skin as they moved. Her name fell off his lips as he buried his face in her neck. When he moved faster, she moaned louder. The dance was quick tonight. It was rough and lacking emotion unlike the other nights where it was slow and passionate. He was thinking of _her_ too much to focus on the girl in front of him.

"Seth," she placed a hand on his cheek, and he opened his eyes. He hadn't even known he closed them. "Are you alright?" her town was gentle and her eyes were searching his for answers.

"I'm fine," he murmured kissing her neck. "I'm fine."

"We can stop doing this if you want." She gestured to their sweaty bodies and once again he lost his focus.

"No," he closed his eyes again to focus on the face that he was already forgetting. "You make the pain go away."

"I promised you that I would, right?"

He didn't answer. He was lost in his own mind, and she could sense it.

"Seth?" There was still no answer. "Seth, do you know who I am?"

"Of course I do." He murmured lazily tracing an invisible line going up and down her arm.

"Who am I?"

"Pyro," the name rolled off his tongue before he could stop it, and immediately his eyes flew open. His brown eyes were met with the tear filled eyes of the girl he hated and loved. Nervously, he ran a hand through his hair. "Renesmee–"

"Save it." She slid out of the bed and snatched her white oxford shirt off the chair. He watched her angrily button the shirt as tears slid down her face. "Sometimes I think you care more about _her_ than you care about me. All those nights you whispered you loved me. All those nights we-we," her voice broke and she wrapped her arms around herself.

"Renesmee–"

"Did it mean anything to you?" Her eyes met his and he looked away. "Seth, did it mean _anything_ to you?"

"Yes," his voice was so quiet he could barely hear it. "It meant everything to me. I love you so much, Nessie. You don't understand how much I need you. It's just… she was my imprint. Of course I'm still affected by her." He wanted to throw up. He wanted to take the words back.

Renesmee wiped the tears from her eyes as she looked at Seth. Slowly, she crawled back in the bed with him curling up against his body. He could smell her tears and feel her sadness, and he ignored them. He always ignored them.

* * *

><p><strong>I'M SO SORRY T_T I literally just started highschool and I'm so unused to the amount of work they give us and plus I'm tennis AND track at my school! I get home so late and I know I shouldn't be making excuses pleaseee forgive meeee! I'm going to try to update more often.<strong>


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